well my internet hasn't been working lately, so that's why it's taken me so long to write.. sorry!

well i've had a lot of interesting experiences since i last wrote. i went to a couple of parties at kelly and amanda's. man i havent chilled w/ them in forever. the first party, i met this guy that was totally kewl. tongue ring, sweet, guitar player... well yea. that turned out bad. apparently he has a girlfriend. now, he couldnt tell me this while he was making out w/ me and all, maybe thats why he only talked to me sporadically.  if i called him, he was busy, but if he called me to chill and i couldnt, that wasnt okay. boys.

then the 2nd party i went to was for their bday and i heard that this kid was dirtaay. but he was so cute and i was totally wasted. so needless to say, he was my excitement for the night. and i still havent figured out if i regret doing stuff w/ him or not :-\

oh well. so last night was new years eve.. i went over amber's to party.. man her brothers are so cute. haha. and her family is so awesome. i donno, i just really like them all, they're so friendly its great. but yea, so i drank a little, but it would have been weird for me to get drunk w/ her parents, so i stopped myself after 2 mikes hard lemonades.. lol.

everyone else was either wasted, or faking it.. i couldn't tell. but thats okay, its all in fun. cecilia and i went to the harbor with amber's family.. amber didn't go lol. i had fun tho. i saw tim, [from prom..] yea :-\ haha. he didnt see me tho, so its whatever.

i was all depressed last night caz new years eve was when paul asked me out last year, and i haven't had a boyfriend since. i feel so lonely. and i confuse myself like crazzy with the boy situations.. i jus dont know what i want.

i went to visit someone at their other job the other day and he tried to kiss me again, but then stopped himself bcuz he thought id be mad. i wouldnt be mad.. its just, i know that i cant be with him like that, and i dont want kissing him to think thats changed. :-\ err.. i hate my life.

well, i gotta go call work and see if i have to go in tonight.. i hope i dont.. that way maybe just maybe i can go out haha..

<33 you're the best thing.. all about me.. <33

well i deleted the last entry because it was just a bunch of random useless shit that no one needs to know about. so technically in that case, i havent writtin in this shit for like a month. but thats iight.

tomorrow, friday.. im going to thunderdome with christopherrrr.. to see joe's band at battle of the bands :) wooooo. it'll be fun. and chris is hotttt.. im excited haha.

but then theres eric.. im really feelin' him too.. i jus wanna hang out with him more so i can decide. hm. but yea.

and then theres the old guy ;) haha. woop woop.

softball starts again monday. its on mon, tues, and thurs from  7-8 and its weight training and shitt... should be fun.. except i cant lift stuff haha.

i wrote this paper about ashley and i got a 95 on it, so i told her about it and then she wanted to read it. and it had all this stuff about how i started smoking n all, and i havent talked to her since she read it :-\ so im hoping shes not mad, shes jus been busy. ionno, im scared. i <3 you ashley.

tonight im going to see "SAW" kyle said it was really scary.. so i hope so haha. i better have somebody good next to me in case i get scarrrred hehe.

i was at a partyy at my cuzins last weekend. got drunk as shit. then got high. wow. haha. not my thing, but it was awesome. but shhh hehe

man, ashley come home!! haha.

<3 i might need you to hold me tonight.

ashley came 0ver the 0ther day and i had n0 idea she was c0ming :-P! mrs pam called me and was like.. ashley sent y0u s0mething, are y0u g0nna be h0me f0r a while?? and i said yes, s0 she was like, 0kay, ill bring it d0wn in an h0ur 0r s0.

well, an h0ur passes and she still isnt there yet.. but a little while later s0me0ne kn0cks 0n the d00r, and then walks in. i was like .. hm, d0esnt seem like s0mething mrs pam w0uld d0.. but yea whatever, i jus brushed it 0ff.

s0 i walk d0wn the hallway and see ashley in the f0yer! 0mg i was s0 happy, y0u have n0 idea! l0l. i was like ab0ut t0 cry. she br0ught me ball00ns and fl0wers f0r my birthday!

hm what else? im g0ing t0 h0mec0ming with j0sh saturday! sh0uld be fun. hes kewl as shit! andd, h0pefully partying afterwards? yea we better, 0r ima be pissed ;) haha jus playin!

and 0h yea.. chris likes me :-D even th0ugh hes a st0ner thats 0kay.. because hes s0 cute, and i like him! l0l. and i t0ld ashley, and she wasnt all mad that he d0es the drug thing. she was jus like.. be careful, because she kn0ws hes cute t00 :-P

i skipped an0ther class >:-O i really needa st0p. 0r ima get myself in madd tr0uble. l0l. man if my parents f0und 0ut.. id be fuckin crucified haha. but yea s0 i think im d0ne with that.. i h0pe.

and jen jus asked me t0 g0 chill w/ her friday night.. sweet!! that w0uld be kewl as shit. gettin drunk friday and saturday, hellz yea! haha iight well im 0ut!!

<3 i cant pr0mise t0 fix all y0ur pr0blems, but i can pr0mise that y0u w0nt have t0 face them al0ne! <3

-> whelp.. i was planning to take a 4 hour nap.. but someone was banging on my window and then my mom came down n was lk.. dont u work 4-11?? nope mom. 6:30 to 1.. ugh. so it only lasted like an hour n a half. but thats better than nothin i guess, right?

-> kyle works tonite.. woo.. and i hope chris does too.. because hes fun, and i like working with him. and im kinda hopin justin isnt there..caz then it'll be all serious.. although im sure he will be.. along with "tom selleck" i still dont get that, caz i donno what tom selleck looks like. :-x

-> ashleys coming home 2ce in october, and i wont see her either time :( thats sad.. but whatever. its okay. :-\

-> i had two quizzes today. one vocabularly in reading, and then a grammar one in english. i think i did well on both.. i hope heh. im starting to enjoy college a little more. i mean, i just dont like that one class with that one teacher.. and i think he knows it.

-> i skipped two practices in a row :-x. i really have to start going. i really wanna play, im jus so stressed about skool.. im afraid im gonna fail, and i dont want it to be seton keough all over again. that was the horror story of my life. :-\

-> i went to the cafeteria today and talked to heather and brandy for a little while. that was fun. i can act completely stupid with both of them, and they wont judge me.. yay for lansdowne ppl :) hehe. andd.. they skipped a class already too.. WOOO! lol

-> im really starting to think about what i wanna do with the rest of my college time tho. i know i wanna go away, but where? i started to fill out an application to salisbury but then i forgot about the whole application fee thing.. and i dont have any money rite now, and i didnt want my parents to know.. in case it didnt work out haha.

-> i was also thinkin frostburg.. maybe me and kelly can be like roomates or something. that would be sweeet haha, but yea idk. i have a while to think about it.. hell, i might even wanna stay at catonsville another year.. :-\

-> aarite well i have some things to do before work, maybe ill do some homework or something, i donno.

->my hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me
->so wont you kill me, so i die happy.. <33

i stole that from melinda.. hehe.

i hate it.. i think i like/ dont like someone, and then i go all changing my mind caz im stupid lol.

remember how i was all saying "he" was too old? well yea.. hes a couple years older than me.. but ya know what.. i dont care caz i like him. :-x lol.

and then, theres the one guy. the married one. well hes soon to be not married anymore, and i thought i liked him. im not saying i DONT like him.. i jus dont know right now. im really feelin tha old guy ;) haha. sike hes not that old >:-O

and i skipped softball practice today. er. we didnt have it thursday and then i go today and skip it . lol.

o well. then friday i skipped my reading class. who cares. lol i jus didnt feel like goin. dont worry im not gonna start a new thing. i jus couldnt get outta bed.

man i have a bunch of homework to do. haha i really dont feel like doin it either. i hate college. it sucks. i cant wait til next year to get away. and go somewhere else. that way, even tho ill be in college, ill have more freedom, and be away from my family for a while :).

andd.. i miss ashley. lol. i got a letter from her the other day. .wooo. now i have to write back, and send her this cd.

im gonna visit her eventually. i jus gotta pick a good weekend wen ill be aarite taking off work all weekend.. again! haha

im going to a wedding this saturday and then a concert sunday.. [sunday in the country]

oh yea.. heather likes derek. yea the derek that i used to like. and she knows that too. thats aarite tho caz he has a gf anyways. and plus.. i kinda like chris.. although no one knows that.. so hopefully no one that would care will read this lol.

iight well my confusing self is gonna go talk to shaun and then do some more homewokr. so yea.. later

<3 i dont know why you gotta be angry all the time..

hm, well yea skool today was quite boring, except for student development when we watched that movie. it was really kewl. it was about this boy that had muscular dystrophy and he was only 13 when he died. but he started writing poetry when he was 3. how crazii is that? it had me so into it, that i was gonna go get his book lol. he is/ was an amazing writer. it was great!

im trying to go see paparazzi tonite, caz im bored and i dont feel like staying home. last nite i babysat, worked for an hour, and then went to aj's to see him and charlie. and i feel bad because i was more interested in charlie, where as aj was seemingly interested in me. which was new, because i didnt know he liked me or watever.

i have so much homework to do that i really dont feel like doin. haha. but thats okay, because ive decided that no matter what, im doing all my college homework; caz im not tryna get in trouble. hehe

oh dude, that picture that some 'run-off' took of my boobs, yeah well other ppl have seen it apparently. and theres more that one existance of it.. ugh! this is gonna be great. 'hey how ya doin? i saw ur boobs the other day'

oh well, yea im gonna go now. find someone to hang out with for a little while. maybe i can get heather to go see a movie. shaun is working :) fun times. hehehe.

<33 look for the girl with the broken smile. ask her if she wants to stay a while, and she will be loved. and she will be loved.

well, yesterday was my birthday. 18th birthday at that. it wasnt as exciting as i was expecting, to my dismay :( but thats okay. i got some money, some clothes, and im getting my truck painted, blue :(. i really dont want it blue, but i guess ill have to deal with it.

man.. it gets lonely, being 18 with no boyfriend.. or even guy to hang out with wen u want. and plus my best friend is hundreds of miles away.. so that sucks even worse!

ashleyy.. i miss you :) hehe.

and my computer teacher is still a dick. and i noticed, its not just to me.. its to everyone! i hope he knows the whole freakin' class is gonna hate him by the end of the semester.

i got my third hole in my left ear and my 2nd whole in the right ear yesterday for my birthday. then i hung out with amy and we went to aj's to chill with him, charlie, andrew, lauren, and julia? i think thats her name. lol she was nice. then i went to the movies with heather. it was fun, we saw wicker park. good movie, but weird! haha.

mkay, well i have some reading to do that i prolly wont get to, so im just gonna go talk to aj and andy. hehe.

<3.the girl in my mirror is crying again tonite; and theres nothing i can do, to make her feel alright.<3

yay.. tomorrow is my birthday :-D woop woop! today my parents took me out to lunch. it wasnt very fun, but it was nice of them hehe.

i have to work tonite from 5-11.. there are like 9 ppl closing. that means shaun and i can go in the back, and you know ;) haha sikee.. im just kidding. jeez haha.

i was reading amy's blog today, and i read some older entries from like last week and stuff, and they were all sad. i love you amy :)

i wish ashley was gonna be here for my bday. what a kewl present that would be lol. for ashley to come home on my birthday :-D id be oneee happy camper. lol.

im not too sore anymore from practicing. but watch, after the next practice it'll happen all over again. and man i have so much homework i gotta finish.. damnit haha.

ah, my mom was lookin thru my purse todayy.. phew, it was a good thing i took those out. im not gonna do it anymore tho, caz not only will it kill me, its gonna be hard with softball n shit.

im scared to go back to that computer class caz i dont want the teacher to bitch at me or whatever. :-\

ugh, i hate college.

oh yea, eric [from prom] was at hoyts last nite seeing a movie with some of his friends. he didnt even say hi to me. what a jerk. so he was walking down the hallway, and i was like.. HI! lol. then he finally said hey.

stupid boys.

i might go to a field hockey game next week. im thinking about it. depends how early it is. haha.

mkay, well i gotta go get ready for work. <3

yay my birthday is in 2 dayss!!! woop woop. hehe.

me and heather have this bet goin that i have to kiss 5 different guys that ive never kissed before, by saturday. hm, i wonder if i can do it lol. anybody tryna help me out? ;) hehe.

hm what else?? oh, college is getting a little better i guess. theres a lot of homework n shit tho. and my english class.. ugh, i did this paper that i thought i did really well on, and i got a 1 outta 6 :-x. what the fudge?? :( lol.

andd u have to read alot, its sucks major bootay. i hate to read.. im not gonna be able to do this.

i went to softball practice the other day tho. im glad i made myself go, because i really had a good time. it was fun, and i would have really missed it if i didnt play. and the ppl are nice. im soooo sore tho.. haha.

aarite well i have to work today, i worked yesterday, and i work tomorrow, and im really tired so im gonna lay down for a few minutes!

<3 i know you wanna hit that

<3 i know you wanna hit that

well.. college is definitely different from high school, and idk if i like it or not.. lol.

i know one person, in two of my classes, but other than that im a loner. heh but its okay, caz i guess its not that bad.. :-\

im trying to get myself to go to softball practice tomorrow, but im scared. uggh haha. im really gonna try to do it tho.

i have a class from 10:00 until 11:25.. n then a break til 12:30. what am i gonna do that whole timee?? lol. :-x

im really lookin for a male acquaintance.. jeebus haha. i dont want a friend w/ benefits, i really want a boyfriend! :-\

oh yea, and my birthday is in 5 days.. woo.. :) ill be 18.. woop woop. i can buy cigarettes, and porn haha yea buddy :-P. lol sike. not really anything im interested in, so its not gonna get much better than being 17 was.

aarite well i got some stuff to read for skoolie.. :)

i spread my wings, and i learn how to fly, ill do what it takes til i touch the sky.. <33

last nite amy and i hung out with charlie n aj. it was fun. we both got home late but thats okay because neither of us got in trouble, and it was worth it :)

tonite heather and i are goin to annapolis to visit brian cole at his movie theater.. woop woop. then we are gonna come back and watch napolean dynamite, maybe with dan @ hoyts. yay. what if shaun is working?

im so confused, i like.. well someone, and then someone else is kinda kewl too. but i dont know how either of them feel. so whatever, i could be stressin over nothin. idk!

<3 k i gotta finish gettin ready then pick up heather. we are sooo kewl ;) hehe

..thanks for acting like you cared

..and making me feel like i was the only one

well i haven't written in here for a while, since no one reads it, but im bored. so you're goin to have to deal with it.

i kissed a married guy.. how is that for an opening line? lol. whatever, its done with now, idk whats goin on haha.

andd.. i went over 'someones' house at 3 in the morning the other day. wow, i must really be crazii haha! :-P but it was fun

ill be 18 in 11 days, how exciting is that? haha. yea i thought so too :-P

tomorrow im goin to get some stuff for skool, and try to pick up a cord for my printer. then my first classes are monday.. :( im scurred haha.

i might go to the movies tomorrow nite to see exorcist again. i saw it with shaun the first time. it was good :)

oh, and i might be playing softball, for ccbc.. idk yet tho. it depends if they think im good i guess. haha. im goin up to practice @ 3 i think. im scared. idk why. but i am. :-\

mkay, well im goin to bed, caz im gonna wake up early tomorrow to go shopping.

byee <3

..>im just a sucker with no self esteem<..

well.. yesterday was ashley's graduation/goin away party. shes really leaving :( i dont know what im gonna do, other than cry forever lol.  shes not gonna be here for my birthday.. what is a birthday without ur best friend.. :-\

the next time ill see her after she leaves is halloween. thats a long wait. and we are supposed to go to ocean city saturday and she leaves sunday. so after i hang out with her thursday. it's prolly the last time ill see her. im tryna get my parents to let me ride down later with emily.. like monday or something but my dad doesnt wanna say yes. my mom said it was okay, but my dad is bein difficult.. like usual.

so i was all depressed at work today, and ray comes in being all mean and stuff, i guess he was having a bad afternoon.. ionno. but he looked at my name tag and made my take the "im awesome" off of it. like it was huting someone. but whatever, i did it. and then he made me turn around because he saw that there was something drawn on my vest. and he was lk.. who drea on ur vest? and i was so upset about everything that i was jus gonna start cryin if he didnt leave me alone, so i was like KYLE!

and then ray yelled at kyle :-\ and kyle got upset and went home. so because of me, he went home. so then kyle thought that i was jus tryna piss him off.. but i wasnt, im not that mean.

but whatever. ray was really nice a little while into it. he was only really mean for like the first half hour.. then he was better. and later at nite after we clocked out.. he was really kewl. haha.

emily and i are goin to sunday in the country! i bought the tickets today .. yay! and this cute boy matt is gonna be there :) im excited.. lol.

okay well i needa stop being all sad in here, so i dont cry some more. i got work again tomorrow so hopefully if ray is working hes in a good mood.. caz i like him that way :)

<33 im ready to fall in love with you tonight

oh yay.. i think ray might like me now. he was being mean in a joking way today and he never does that with me haha. yay!

yea.. and ben was making fun of me all nite :( i hate that. i mean its funny sometimes, but then it gets old and jus makes me mad, and he thinks i still think its funny.. and its really not. o well.

and shaun, hes so cute. but definitely unavailable.. haha, yea most definitely.

dave.. man hes like "oh i wanna bang you" hott. gosh i love my job :-D haha. there arent too many ugly guys :-P its greaaaaat.

im on rain call tomorrow. im kinda hoping i dont have to go in, but then again i want to so that i can get some money. i want justin to come back from vacation so that they can have a meeting and be like "tabitha should be a supervisor" lol yea im a loser.

ashley's party is saturday.. woo! im excited. ronnie is gonna be there =-O hehe. hes so f'ing sexxy :-D

i started talking to this guy online last nite and he seems really kewl. hes into country music and hes goin to sunday in the country. yay.. how kewl is that, since emily and i might go too.. woop woop!

mkay well i have a sore throat so ima go eat a popsicle.. mm :) byebye

<33 lookin for love in all the wrong places..

er.. dont u hate wen ur all thinking u like someone, but then for some ungodly reason you change ur mind? well i do that shit all the time. lol. i know hes too old for me anyways, but i liked him.. then found out he liked me, and i dont anymore? craziness, i dont get it. :-x

im just gonna be single for the rest of my life, and never like a guy again, that way i cant make stupid mistakes :-D wooo. haha.

all you people that were tryna see a pic.. here.

im on the right.. thats my best friend on the left, and my elementary skool pal.. hehe :)

even tho you dont want me..

i wanna love you <33

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